Hammer

In life, sometimes it's funny that right when you feel like you're figuring stuff out, you find yourself faced with a new and unpredictable challenge. 

I recently discovered that the best time to visit my best friend, Hank at his nursing home is 3:30 because that's when he's gone back to bed to rest up for dinner at 5. It's a good time because it allows us privacy, and in that privacy I find myself more open to talk freely, and when we are outside, it feels like people are listening, and I become more reserved. 

I began a little design project recently to decorate Hank's walls, and yesterday when I went to hang some things up on the walls, I discovered that last week, a new room mate was placed in Hank's room, where he has now been living for 5 years. Over the years, there are just 2 other roommates, that I remember. One never left his bed, and did not have the skills to communicate with people. He would make quite a bit of noise, but it was never much of a problem. 

Another room mate of Hank's was Bill Bade, and he was such a sweetheart. He was a ray of sunshine and very frail, but did his best to live as actively as he could. He had a big part in inspiring Hank to transition from being bedridden to getting out of bed and going outside, and for that, I will always consider Bill an angel. He pushed Hank to live a happier life. He was great. His power to encourage those around him changed my life. When I found out that he had passed, it broke my heart. Bless him for his good deeds and spirit.  

I was offering Hank a muffin when I heard noise from behind the fabric room divider (like a shower curtain). I asked Hank if he had a new room mate and motioned to Hank, asking him if I he was "all there", and if it was a good idea to say Hi and introduce myself. Hank gave me the go-ahead, and I went over and he asked me for some chips so I gave him a muffin. From that point on, Hank and I had a situation on our hands, and we both knew it. 

Nicholas is the man's name, and Nicholas, it turns out, is not all there. He can't stop talking, bless his heart. I tried to think of what to do. He just kept talking about money, money money, and Columbus Texas, and a motel and then back to money money money. I politely tried telling him that I was here to visit Hank, and that we needed some privacy, but I don't think he heard. Hank's voice was weakened in his accident, and although he is completely understandable now, thanks to lots of effort on his part, his voice is not as loud as it once was. I could hear Hank saying in a real confident and manly way "excuse me", like he was going to handle the situation, but Nicholas was not hearing it. Hank kept repeating himself, but it was of no use. Then I saw Hank reach for the hammer that lay at his side. I looked at him with big eyes and we had a little laugh. Then I upped my aggressiveness a notch and spoke to Nicholas as if I was the boss, and he went back to his side of the room, apologizing. I felt so mean. 

It happened a few more times, and finally I went to go and get a nurse for some help, because Nicholas was not understanding that I was there to visit Hank, and catch up. A nurse that I did not recognize, came up and helped me before I had to ask for help. He sternly told Nicholas to go get ready for dinner. That was a relief. But then I heard Nicholas threaten to kill the nurse. The nurse told me that he was new at the care center, but at his previous job, he worked with Nicholas at the looney bin. Great, I thought to myself. This is just great. 

It was pretty ironic, because 2 nights before, I had mentioned that my friend, Hank, was in a nursing home, and someone apologized to me. I responded by telling him not to apologize, and optimistically told him that it was not the best life, but it was a life that is worth being thankful for. I wanted to take back every word during this visit. 

One of Hank's traits that I most admire is that he does not waste any time with idle complaints. He is very positive. I have learned a lot from the way that he handles what is dealt to him. Everything is always okay, or that's how he presents it to me. That was also one of my Grandpa Van's most amazing qualities, which I will always remember them both for. 

When Nicholas was finally in the dining hall, and we found ourselves alone, I had a special moment with Hank. We looked at each other and we knew that we were thinking all the same things. It was as if there was no need to have any words about it. He took my hand and said to me "thank you for being the person that you are". It was such a nice thing to hear. The sentiment is definitely mutual. 

I know that everything is going to be okay with Nicholas and Hank being room mates, but it's a challenge for me to embrace the situation with optimism. I wish my visits to Hank were more frequent, but I have come to just let myself be okay with doing the best that I can do. When I am there, nothing is more important to me, than being completely present, and Nicholas' distractions stretch my patience.

Luckily I know that challenges are an opportunity for growth, and I will embrace this as an opportunity for learning. I am lucky that Hank is as mature and patient and understanding as he is, because we are going to be in this together, and I am confident that he will be positive with me. It's got to be the only way to go about it. This experience reminds me of the value of surrounding yourself with people who have positive energy and outlook. If Hank was not the positive person that he is, this could really be hard, but I know it's going to be okay. 

If anyone has any words of inspiration, I would welcome with appreciation. 

a great start? check.

My first 10 days of summer were so much fun, that it's hard for me to believe there is still more to come.

From Saturday May 15- Saturday May 22, I visited loved ones in 7 cities in 7 days.

It went like this:
15-16. Katie and David in Fredericksburg
16. Mary and Packy in Kerrville
16. Avery in Hunt
16. Back to Austin
17. Austin with Maggie and Karen
18.  Holly, Margot, and Stella in Waco
19. Kait Caldwell (soon to be Gish) in Houston
20-22. Del Rio House both with The Edward and Mary Liz Eastland Family and Friends

It was the best week I could imagine; filled with wonderful and inspiring people that mean the world to me. There's one more week of vacation left, but I am going to stay right here and work on my big to-do list before school starts.

cassidy

Honoring a commitment is something that I believe in. I realized its importance sometime in college when my dad told me straightforwardly, that if you say you're going to do something, you should keep your word. I have always remembered that, because he said it so firmly; I knew that he believed what he was saying, and lived accordingly.


In my daily life, my top commitments are to my school, to Weezie, and to my health. Subsequently, there is no certainty of who I will see (Weezie, excluded) on a weekly basis, outside of school. Or bi-weekly, or monthly. However, there is one exception, which I consider to be a tremendous blessing. She is Cassidy.


12 weeks ago, I made a commitment to taking semi private, weekly pilates classes from my best friend from highschool, Cassidy. I take with another best friend, Karen, too. If I am in town, I am there, and I love that I have the class in my life, and that I see Cassidy (and Karen) at a certain time, at a certain place, on a certain day, every week.  Something about order is just so comforting. I look forward to that class all week.


Well, I love Cassidy, and I want to tell you one of the reasons why.
We have a maybe 2 or 3 quick side stories during our lessons every week. They are not time consuming, just quick moments of relief, and provide a small distraction to our minds, from the burn in our gleutes. Cassidy's story today had me dying.


Take in mind, some details about Cassidy:
While I would not call her shy, she is not at all overly wordy. No one would ever think to call Cassidy loud or anything like that. Very down to earth, and grounded. Non-judgemental and open minded, and interested in what people have to say.


So anyway, yesterday, her husband, John had some returns to do at American Apparel. Some of you may not be familiar with the chain retail store, but it's very trendy, and popular. While American Apparel is a store that caters equally to men and women, their ads feature women exclusively, and are many of them are quite provocative and risque. So, Cassidy is in there browsing, and one of their ads caught her eye. I have not seen the said photograph, but Cassidy claims that it features a model's vagina. Cassidy felt upset to see this image and here is how she responded:


 She took the ad in her hand and she marched up to the counter and said: "this is disgusting. Do you see this?! this is her vagina. I can't believe this. This is degrading to women. You all oughtta be ashamed of this." and then she walked out.


To me, this seems both oddly, totally in character of Cassidy, but also VERY shocking. I mean, that's some prime material. You don't see people my age doing this kind of thing on a normal basis. And "normal" people my age, saying this kind of stuff. She went on with the story, saying that "poor John was still in the middle of the returns" when she went all crazy on them. And she said "those poor hipster girls" probably had no idea what to do or say. Apparently, the employees were defending the photo by saying "it was just the lighting" that made it look like genitalia. Oh man, I have got to see this photo.


She also noted that the worst ( but the best, in my opinion) part of all of it was that she kept repeating herself, in her outrage.


I just want to say that I feel what Cassidy did was respectable. To believe in something, is a beautiful thing. I want people in my life that think things, and think them hard. To the point where they are outraged when that thing is violated. This story, written, may make Cassidy sound judgemental, but this was not in that spirit. Her words were not  spoken out of judgement, just out of the ideals that she holds for the culture in which she lives. Jokingly, i told Cassidy that tomorrow I want to go in there and try to completely replay her reaction to the ad, just to have a little fun. Maybe I will, just for the experience saying something to a stranger with such passion. I think that the way she is living is how I want to live too. To respect the gift of a voice, by letting it be heard. I love this quote by Abraham Lincoln:


"To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards of men. "


Cassidy may not change American Apparel's marketing campaigns, but I'd like to think that she may have enlightened the viewpoint of someone present for this exchange. I don't care that much about what it is that you particularly believe in, whether its in unicorns, or your imaginary friend, or whatever. But I hope that my friends recognize their beliefs. Believing is a symptom of love, I think, so when you believe in something it's a sign of a good life.


While I don't know if I find the photo immoral, I do find the photo to be indecent. I do find its place in such a mainstream (American Apparel certainly would not be happy to know that they are considered by some to be "mainstream"), successful and popular store to be evidence of a lost and broken culture. When I think about the photo, I disagree with its subtext. My pure gut reaction to what she saw will always be a mystery now, but I do find vicarious happiness in her freedom and assurance to be bold and say how she felt.


The world is a better place because of people like Cassidy, and I consider myself a lucky one to have her scheduled in my life, once a week. Its good for me.


And I am glad that someone of my generation is so bold to "give a care"; it makes me feel good about us.


I'll leave you with Honest Abe's other quote on silence, that makes me question this blog's existence. 


'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt." 

Ramen Veggie Delight

We all know that veggies are good for us; "eat your vegetables" has been pounded into our brains since we were babies. But, sometimes its easier said than done. Am I right?

Getting plenty of good produce requires going to the grocery store more often, and once you've made the mistake of letting good food go to waste, it's easy to prevent that from happening again by just not buying fresh food. That's a mistake, if you ask me.  I avoid letting good food spoil by keeping a running list on the front of my fridge of the fresh produce inside, which is a reminder every time I go to the fridge of what's inside, since sometimes I forget what's in there if it's not visible. And once I eat a food, I cross it off the list. It's a lot easier way to check something off a list than going to dry cleaners or writing a thank you note, too! 

I'm a girl on the go, and most of my foods that I make for myself have to be made quick. This is one of my favorite quick ways to prepare veggies. 

Step one: 

Start ipod, and Chop 'em and start boiling about an inch of water on the stove.

Step 2:

 Place colander on top of boiling water and place veggies inside. It's a good idea to start chopping the vegetables that require a longer cooking time first and get them steaming first and then add in the veggies that cook faster. Here's a list of what I start out with first to last:

Carrots

Broccoli and Cauliflower

 Squash 

Asparagus

Mushrooms

Step 3:

There's usually not enough room for the mushrooms, so I just throw 'em in the water at the last minute

Step 4:

Then I open up a 10 cent Ramen packet with the flavoring of my choice

(it's sorta funny at the grocery store to check out at the register with a bunch of healthy food and a bunch of ramen)

 

Step 5:

I take a bite out of the noodles and discard them

 

Step 6:

I pour the flavor packet in the bowl

(hold your breath if you want to tell me that's 85% of my daily recommended sodium)

Step 7:

I pour in my veggies and add some water

And voila! A yummy dish of filling veggies! Ready in about 15 minutes! 

Step 9: Start chompin'

Antlers

The Summer of 2007 was a crucial time in my life. I was working alongside my best friend, Mary Liz at Camp Mystic. Honestly, had I not had that job that summer, I don't know who I'd be. Being there felt like a miracle, because I was given an opportunity to give up a lot of bad habits, and not miss them one bit. By the end, I felt quite transformed. I had grown a great deal. 

We had big jobs and big time fun together. We hiked just about every day, during rest hour, no matter what, with a little help of an energy drink called "enviga", which has sadly disappeared from the market. I think its absence can be explained by its claim to being "the calorie burning drink". We look back on those days and think: "Dang! That enviga/hiking combo paid off!". After we'd been hiking religiously for a little while, we started hunting quite seriously for deer antlers. In fact, we were more serious about finding them than about actually hiking. The point of our hiking was to find the antlers. We were determined. Our eyes were always wide open. Well, mainly Mary's eyes, for she is the more focused half of our duo.


Finally, towards the end of July, we spotted not one, but TWO! It was the best feeling in the world. I'm sure we screamed and could not contain our joy! It was a proud moment. We couldn't wait to spread the good news, and at the end of our hike, right at the end of the rest hour period, we paraded into the office, flaunting our antlers and announced to everyone what had happened. 


Betsy was so happy for us and told us that for weeks she had been praying for us to find the antlers. It was so dear (Sorry, I couldn't hep myself).  It's amazing to think that there are people praying for you, without your even being aware of it. I will always remember that. And it makes the antlers even more special, which is pretty amazing, since it is one of my most cherished belongings.
                               

In my life, summer has always been a time for growth and change, and I find happiness in the congruency in the deer kingdom:


"Deer shed their antlers annually as a prelude to the regeneration, or re-growth, of new ones. The entire shedding process takes a mere two to three weeks to complete, and the re-growth phase takes place over the summer".**

 It's such an opportune time to set some goals. Especially for me, because the sunny weather lifts my spirits so. I am very happy that summer is here, and I have a good feeling that it will be a transforming time, as it always has been. I have the wonderful opportunity this summer to be going to Chicago for 5 weeks to study improvisation, which is one of my favorite practices. 

I am thrilled to be going to a new place, where I know few people, and can explore the city and learn about people and myself. I hope that this summer will bring good changes for all of my friends. 

(hey bubz)

**http://www.coolquiz.com/trivia/explain/docs/antlers.asp

Happy Anniversary, Weezie!

Weezie and my story all begins with Paris.

 Paris, the Chinese Crested that my dad met while shopping in Pets Mart, and would visit many weekends with hopes to adopt. Paris was a foster-dog and would be up for adoption when her treatment was compete. However, Paris never went up for adoption, as her foster parents decided to keep her once she became healthy.

 

The news about Paris was a real disappointment, but was accompanied by an option to foster either a Chihuahua or a Chinese Crested named Weezer, who was in transit from New Iberia, Louisiana, where the night before-he was abandoned outside a dog shelter with 2 other dogs, who were killed by a motor vehicle. My dad was giving it a think, but was unsure if he really wanted a dog that was not Paris.

It was a Sunday and I was at the Galleria shopping with Jenny Wilkinson, when Doug called me about his situation. You see, all along while Doug wanted Paris, he was telling me that he had found ME a dog, because I think he was afraid that in wanting another dog for himself, he would be disrespecting his relationship with his Chihuahua, Penny. Penny, who was MY dog, until Doug became extremely attached, and claimed her as his, about a month after I got Penny. I talked with Jenny, and we told Doug to wait until Weezer got to Austin and then he could make up his mind, and see which dog he preferred. After all, we were just going to foster him, we didn't have to keep him forever.

When Weezer got to Austin, Doug met him, and sent this picture. 

I encouraged Doug to bring him to Houston, and at midnight Kelly and I went over to our parents' house and got to meet Weezie for the first time. I fell in love with him pretty quickly after that. We had to be real careful to keep him calm for the first few months because he was sick with heart worms. When he was well, and we were asked if we would like to keep him, and make him officially part of our family, there was no doubt in our minds.  It was a very special day.

Doug's decision that I should have a dog was, at the time, quite unexpected, but, in hindsight, it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. At first, I didn't like his name, but now I love it because it describes him, and he is the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes upon.

Weezer gives purpose to my life, and coming home to him is the happiest part of my day. He is an absolute angel, and I would not trade him for a million dollars, or even a million and one. 

If you ever are in the market for a dog, I would encourage you to get a rescue dog. Every time that I look at Weezie, if he is awake, he is giving me the most adoring eyes. I can do him no wrong, which is always a comfort. He hardly ever complains, and he has never had a single accident in my apartment. 

He is my best friend. 

Here's to one wonderful year. It could have been pretty terrible without you, my Weezie Dearheart. 

I pray for many more to come. 

Thanks, Doug. 

Weezie is a reminder that when things don't turn out as you've envisioned them, a better thing than you might dream of just might be headed your way.

Spring Fling

My mouth has been watering all week, knowing that my mom was going to bring her carrot cake to San Antonio this Sunday. Apparently, she made an estimated one hundred and seventy five of them in high school. 

My Grandpa Packy is always the life of the party, and today was no exception at my Aunt Marilyn's "Spring Fling" Garden Party. Supposedly, he is turing 80, but I think he may be kidding. He sure acts about my age. 

Weezie loved all the Stones!

Packy is loving "Treme" on HBO. Man, I wish I had HBO! 

There were football shaped candles on the cake, but it was too windy to light the candles. Here, Packy biting into one, for a not-so pleasant surprise. Lisa invited everyone over for Thanksgiving, and I am excited already. She knows how to do a perfect Thanksgiving feast. 

echinacea

Even though we were celebrating Marilyn's birthday, she gave a hand wrapped and thoughtful present to each guest. It was such a generous thing to do.  It was just like her.

Great minds dress alike. The fashion forecast is out: Panama hats are the hottest thing this spring. 

Milo, our once timid dog, who is gaining more and more swagger by the day with the help of Doug's new nickname for him, "Wolfie", guarded the party and barked at Packy.

Packy wasn't taking any chances

Doug drove me back home. It was so nice of him. Being the passenger was so relaxing, and also nice to get to chat.

It was a perfect day.

 I am so lucky to have these wonderful people in my life. 

This garden is home to so many beautiful plants and memories with family. It is neat to think of all the years we have come together to celebrate the springtime. It's such a joyful time of year. All of those who couldn’t be here this year were with me in my heart. 

True Story

One night my mother got a call from me at 4 am while I was living in the east village of Manhattan. "I can't sleep" I told her. She told me to write a poem about my troubles and here is what was written. This is one of your only chances to hear me portray myself as a villain. Enjoy...





Thirst forced me from bed to the sink
Feeling a gummy worm under my toe

I paused before sipping my drink

And flicked on the light to see below

What was found was no treat,

What was found was live meat!

"Oh, the chutzpah, the nerve!

to creep in my house!

YOU will DIE, you little perv!"

“But I'm just a mouse…

I have no other choice”

he said, in a pleading voice

“NO other choice? What do you mean?

This is MY house! MY house!

Where I am the queen!

I bought this house with hard earned money!

I buy this food to fill MY tummy!”

"It's hard to buy food when you can't get a job..."

"Oh, so that's your excuse? That’s why you rob?"

...."Even if I could get hired, they wouldn’t let me in the store

Please let me stay! I will do chores!”

“No!No!No! This house is TOO crowded

OUT OUT OUT!!!!” I shouted.