Hammer

In life, sometimes it's funny that right when you feel like you're figuring stuff out, you find yourself faced with a new and unpredictable challenge. 

I recently discovered that the best time to visit my best friend, Hank at his nursing home is 3:30 because that's when he's gone back to bed to rest up for dinner at 5. It's a good time because it allows us privacy, and in that privacy I find myself more open to talk freely, and when we are outside, it feels like people are listening, and I become more reserved. 

I began a little design project recently to decorate Hank's walls, and yesterday when I went to hang some things up on the walls, I discovered that last week, a new room mate was placed in Hank's room, where he has now been living for 5 years. Over the years, there are just 2 other roommates, that I remember. One never left his bed, and did not have the skills to communicate with people. He would make quite a bit of noise, but it was never much of a problem. 

Another room mate of Hank's was Bill Bade, and he was such a sweetheart. He was a ray of sunshine and very frail, but did his best to live as actively as he could. He had a big part in inspiring Hank to transition from being bedridden to getting out of bed and going outside, and for that, I will always consider Bill an angel. He pushed Hank to live a happier life. He was great. His power to encourage those around him changed my life. When I found out that he had passed, it broke my heart. Bless him for his good deeds and spirit.  

I was offering Hank a muffin when I heard noise from behind the fabric room divider (like a shower curtain). I asked Hank if he had a new room mate and motioned to Hank, asking him if I he was "all there", and if it was a good idea to say Hi and introduce myself. Hank gave me the go-ahead, and I went over and he asked me for some chips so I gave him a muffin. From that point on, Hank and I had a situation on our hands, and we both knew it. 

Nicholas is the man's name, and Nicholas, it turns out, is not all there. He can't stop talking, bless his heart. I tried to think of what to do. He just kept talking about money, money money, and Columbus Texas, and a motel and then back to money money money. I politely tried telling him that I was here to visit Hank, and that we needed some privacy, but I don't think he heard. Hank's voice was weakened in his accident, and although he is completely understandable now, thanks to lots of effort on his part, his voice is not as loud as it once was. I could hear Hank saying in a real confident and manly way "excuse me", like he was going to handle the situation, but Nicholas was not hearing it. Hank kept repeating himself, but it was of no use. Then I saw Hank reach for the hammer that lay at his side. I looked at him with big eyes and we had a little laugh. Then I upped my aggressiveness a notch and spoke to Nicholas as if I was the boss, and he went back to his side of the room, apologizing. I felt so mean. 

It happened a few more times, and finally I went to go and get a nurse for some help, because Nicholas was not understanding that I was there to visit Hank, and catch up. A nurse that I did not recognize, came up and helped me before I had to ask for help. He sternly told Nicholas to go get ready for dinner. That was a relief. But then I heard Nicholas threaten to kill the nurse. The nurse told me that he was new at the care center, but at his previous job, he worked with Nicholas at the looney bin. Great, I thought to myself. This is just great. 

It was pretty ironic, because 2 nights before, I had mentioned that my friend, Hank, was in a nursing home, and someone apologized to me. I responded by telling him not to apologize, and optimistically told him that it was not the best life, but it was a life that is worth being thankful for. I wanted to take back every word during this visit. 

One of Hank's traits that I most admire is that he does not waste any time with idle complaints. He is very positive. I have learned a lot from the way that he handles what is dealt to him. Everything is always okay, or that's how he presents it to me. That was also one of my Grandpa Van's most amazing qualities, which I will always remember them both for. 

When Nicholas was finally in the dining hall, and we found ourselves alone, I had a special moment with Hank. We looked at each other and we knew that we were thinking all the same things. It was as if there was no need to have any words about it. He took my hand and said to me "thank you for being the person that you are". It was such a nice thing to hear. The sentiment is definitely mutual. 

I know that everything is going to be okay with Nicholas and Hank being room mates, but it's a challenge for me to embrace the situation with optimism. I wish my visits to Hank were more frequent, but I have come to just let myself be okay with doing the best that I can do. When I am there, nothing is more important to me, than being completely present, and Nicholas' distractions stretch my patience.

Luckily I know that challenges are an opportunity for growth, and I will embrace this as an opportunity for learning. I am lucky that Hank is as mature and patient and understanding as he is, because we are going to be in this together, and I am confident that he will be positive with me. It's got to be the only way to go about it. This experience reminds me of the value of surrounding yourself with people who have positive energy and outlook. If Hank was not the positive person that he is, this could really be hard, but I know it's going to be okay. 

If anyone has any words of inspiration, I would welcome with appreciation.